Friday, April 18, 2008

Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat

According to their website, Sunset Wheat "has a soothing taste that will leave you speechless." Oh yeah? Well, that would make for a pretty shitty review, so I'll just try and work through my sudden bout of speechlessness.

It's really difficult to give an unbiased review on this fine beverage because my love for Sunset Wheat has been well documented - I drink Sunset Wheat like it's my fkn job. In fact, the frequency in which I crack open bottles of Sunset Wheat would probably be comparable to the number of jerk-off sessions I had between the years of 1994-1999. I often refer to this phase of my life as The Troubles. Not The Troubles, but the time of my life I spent praying for a freak accident involving a pool of Jello, a 12-Volt battery charger, my dick, and an anonymous vagina falling from heaven. Needless to say, I never did find that pool of Jello nor did I get enveloped by the business end of a labia majora. However, my mom did get me a 12-volt battery charger for my birthday one year.

On to the beer....

This is the beer I fall back on when wanting to relax with friends - whether it be a warm day at the golf course or a chilly December day manning the grill for the last time of the season. Its drinkability score is off the charts, and the great thing is that I NEVER get tired of the flavor. Some people compare the taste of Sunset Wheat to that of Fruit Loops. To that I can only reply with a hearty "go fuck yourself". Seriously, I want proof of said self f-ing session in the form of a) polaroids; b) conventional 35 mm film; or c) stinky pinky.

I highly recommend this beer, so go buy some right now. Either that or show up at my door with pinky extended.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Inexpensive Beer Report: Old Style

Ever hear of the great punk band The Queers? They're one of my favorites. On their album Don't Back Down, there's a great song called "I Only Drink Bud." In the song Joe Queer sings:

"People in Chicago
always brag about Old Style
before I drink that swill again
it's gonna be a while

I've been humming the tune all night while putting down these cans adorned with a red and blue shield. However, it's hardly swill.

I find it to be a rather enjoyable beverage. I would definitely prefer a bottle rather than a can but something tells me this drink is best served from an aluminum container.

It's sweet at first taste and smooth on finish, with the sweetness sticking around just a bit. I'd like a bit more carbonation but with a beer of this value and it being served in good ol' Al, I can't complain too much, I knew what I was getting when I bought this beer.

If I had to compare it to another beer I've drank, it would be Bud Light. This is strange, because I'm not a fan of the beer promoted with the best radio ads ever. My dislike for Bud Light has a lot to do with the hangovers it usually causes. For whatever reason, a night of slaying Bud Lights is followed with the worst beer shits known to man.

Enough of this babbling and boring nonsense, onto the ratings:

Taste: 7/10

Again, nice and smooth, pretty balanced. No real surprises here, it's about what I expected and didn't disappoint.

I will say it isn't quite as good as the first time I had the pleasure of drinking it. That was in a hotel parking lot tailgating with friends.

Aroma: 3/10

Smells like aluminum. Which reminds me of picking up thousands of cans in college the morning after parties.

Ever smell your hand after drinking all night, and smoking an untold number of cigarettes and bong loads? It's not good. Not good at all. Cleaning up mostly empty cans of beer that have been sitting out all night only makes things worse.

The bile is starting to build just thinking about it.

Price: 5/10

$8 and change for a 12'er. And these are cans. As I said, as far as I know, Old Style isn't readily available in Phoenix. The price is proof. Fuck you, Walgreens.

Hangover: N/A

It's Thursday night and I don't plan on drinking any more than four of these suckers. If I did finish the 12-pack my guess is I'd be on the shitter half the following day, battling a raw asshole and a splitting headache.

I can see myself now, walking gingerly back to my desk, sitting down gently as my stomach continued to bubble and gurgle.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Inexpensive Beer Report: Milwaukee Classic Ice

On Saturday afternoon, the Good Brother and I decided to take the 45 minute drive up to Kenosha, Wisconsin to go beer hunting. Specifically, my brother was looking for Bells (which ain't available in Chicago) and we were both looking for the Holy Grail of Inexpensive Beer - Genesee Cream Ale. We hit up this HUGE grocery store called Woodmans, it was literally the size of a Super Wal-Mart, maybe bigger. Their beer selection did not disappoint - we got the Bells & Genesee along with a bevy of inexpensive beers that will grace the pages of Your Liver Hates You over the next month or so.

I was immediately drawn to the "Classic Ice" for the following reasons:
  1. I've never heard of it
  2. It was dirt cheap ($9.99 for 30)
  3. It came in four packs
That's right people, four 12oz beers for sale. This absolutely blew my mind, what company would have the gall to sell 4 regular beers for a sub $2 price? Apparently the Milwaukee Premium Brewing Company, that's who!

Apparently the Milwaukee Premium Brewing Company (at least according to the fine folks at is a subsidiary of City Brewing. Ratebeer's listing of City Brewery's beers is a Who's Who of crap beer that I've enjoyed throughout my lifetime - Beer 30, Camo, DB Hobbs, Jaguar High Gravity Lager (which I also enjoyed thanks to the trip up north), La Crosse Lager, Schaefer Light and Sportz. These beers are all winners to a connoisseur of Inexpensive Beer like myself..... well actually Camo is absolutely terrible but in all the right ways. So my excitement level was quickly rising when I cracked open my first Classic Ice.

Now I love a shitty beer, but Milwaukee Classic Ice takes shitty to a whole new level. This is definitely one of the worst non MaltLiquor/HighGravityWhatever beers I've ever had. It doesn't have much taste going down, but it has a weird "texture" when drinking that I can't describe. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with an absurdly low carbonation level. When your sip is complete, the aftertaste kicks in. Not overwhelming mind you, but just enough to say "I'm here and you won't enjoy my company" - a most odd double whammy.

So Milwaukee Classic Ice has done what I previously though impossible - present me with a cheap, obscure, poorly brewed domestic beer that I don't really enjoy. Actually, now that I'm near slaying the 4 pack and its 6.0% ABV buzz is kicking in - I can think of worse ways to spend my time. Still, be wary of the Milwaukee Classic Ice, fine traveler....