Acme California Pale Ale Awesomeness

Do you like beer? Do you like crisp, refreshing, delicious beer? Do you like redheads clinging to a rope with one hand and holding a pale ale that can go to toe to toe with any and all comers with the other?

Then Acme's California Pale Ale is for you, my friends.

It doesn't get much better than this beer. We're talking beer you take to a desert island with you, beer you thank the beer gods for after every sip, beer you pay whatever price they're asking because you'd be a mouth-breathing, drooling, shit-stained moron if you let an opportunity to drink this magic beverage pass you by.

I turned 30 this past Wednesday and received a few gifts from family and friends. All were greatly appreciated and all brought a smile to my face. None bigger than the six pack of Acme California Pale Ale my brother handed over. I love this beer.

Summer Solstice Cerveza Crema: say it four times fast

I'm reading each and every comment left at Anderson Valley Brewery's page for their Summer Solstice Cerveza Crema, and my mind is splattered on the wall behind me. It seems everyone who drinks this beer is head over heels in love with it. Everyone that is, except me.

I'll be honest with you, I love Anderson Valley's beer. I do. I'm an Anderson Valley Brewery fan. I celebrate their entire catalog. For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than their Boont Amber Ale.

When it comes to summer beers, I don't know if it gets any worse than their Summer Solstice Cerveza Crema.

I love summer beers (Sierra Nevada, Alaskan, Sam Adams in particular, in that order) and combined with my respect and admiration for Anderson Valley's other work, I was fucking EXCITED to drink this beer and drink a lot of it. I didn't even know they made a summer beer. This was going to be awesome.

Sigh.

Perhaps I had a bad batch. It could have sat on the shelf too long at a less than optimum temperature. Maybe, and this is a big maybe, a Total Wine employee opened the bottles, filtered it through his socks after masturbating into them and capped the bottles back up. I don't know what happened with the beer, but I know I was not a fan of this particular beverage, not a fan at all.

Instead of a smooth, slightly sweet, easy-drinking beer, I found SSCC (I'm sick of typing that shit out) to have far too much going on. It was fruity, bitter, and even spicy. Beer and spice don't do it for me. Never have, never will (I hope those clowns at Sierra Nevada are reading this and taking notes for this year's batch of that abomination Celebration Ale.)

There's a chance I'll try it out again next year, give it another go, allow SSCC to redeem itself. A slight chance. I don't deal well with disappointment.

Shiner Smokehaus tastes like, well, smoke

Every once in a while I'll have what I call "six pack Friday." I have a certain amount of freedom at my place of employment, where I can nearly do whatever I want. Drinking a few beers at my desk on a Friday is sometimes the thing I want to do.

Today was one of those Fridays, and the beer selection was Shiner's Smokehaus. Now, I love Shiner beer. Everything I've sampled from their brewery has been delicious and I've always wanted more.

Not so with their Smokehaus.

I read the label, and knew full well what I was getting into. It says "mesquite smoked beer" front and center. I have no one to blame but myself, as there should have been some thought in my head of "this beer probably tastes like a combination of Shiner Bock and liquid smoke."

Which it does. It tastes like Shiner Bock when it gets past the lips, and tastes like liquid smoke on the way down and at the finish. I love smoke, I love bbq, I love drinking and bbq'ing.

I do not love Shiner's Smokehaus and it's liquid smoke tinge. It's not for me, and I have a hard time believing it's for anyone out there.

It pains me to say, but I've found a Shiner product I will never purchase again. It's bad enough disliking a new beer, it damn near hurts when it comes from a favorite brewery.

To quote the great Kelly Bundy, "case of rum, case of rum."

Shiner Bock is the Awesome

1 - purchase Shiner Bock
2 - drink Shiner Bock
3 -
4 - PROSIT!

I've enjoyed every Shiner beverage I've sampled in my beer drinking career, but none more than their Bock. Delicious, balanced, and reasonably priced, it's my kind of beer.

I don't have any crazy stories to tell involving this great beer, or any jokes to beat into the ground at its expense. All I'll say is if I'm looking to come home from work, do some grilling, listen to Avail, and have a beer or two with dinner, Shiner Bock is at the top of my list.

I'd totally go gay for the Shiner ram.

High Life still reigns supreme

Holiday weekends kick fucking ass. I know it, you know it, hell, even Michael Jackson knows it, and he's as dead as the pigeon my neighbor's cat gutted and left in my yard Saturday.

There's nothing quite like an extra day away from work, an extra day to do whatever the hell you want, be it sitting on your ass and drinking beer, bowling and drinking beer, grilling and drinking beer, or even mowing your demon of a lawn and drinking beer (hint: I did all of these this wonderful holiday weekend.)

What doesn't kick fucking ass is going back to work. The joy of a three day weekend can only be taken down by the misery of a Monday, and take down that joy is exactly what Monday did to me yesterday.

The details are boring and don't really matter, but my Monday sucked giant donkey balls and left me hating life. Thankfully, man invented beer. More to the point, the fellas at Miller invented High Life.

It's delicious.

It really is. Smooth, tasty, and cheap. It's the perfect beer to drink after getting repeatedly kicked in the balls by Monday. I love it, I love it, I love it.

Now, I've been on health kick recently, and admittedly, it's gotten a bit ridiculous. So ridiculous in fact, I don't drink beer during the week.

Sigh.

However, my new, healthy outlook on life was no match for the High Life last night. It didn't stand a chance. Being healthy was playing checkers while the girl in the moon was playing chess.

A 12 pack of High Life. It'll cure what's ailing you, even a horrible case of the Mondays.

Dogfish Head: Raison D'Etre

I took three years of French in high school but I can't remember what raison d'etre translates to. Keep in mind though I'm the same person who flies off the handle when someone who was raised speaking and writing English substitutes sans for without.

Raison D'Etre is a raisin beer. Yes, raisins. The little sun-dried grapes that bind your shit together and assists with poo log formation.

It's a pretty dark beer and full flavored. Dogfish Head calls it a mahogany and explains it's brewed with beet sugar along with the aforementioned raisins. Sounds to me like the guys who brew Dogfish Head are of the smelly, hippie variety.

I didn't know what to expect with this brew but must say I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't overly fruity or sweet and very balanced. The raisins don't really hit until you've gulped it down but even then it's subtle and hardly overpowering.

I had four of these suckers one night, one the next (a friend had the 6th and final beer.) With an 8% alcohol content, it's a potent brew. By my fourth all was right in the world. I will say though these were better the first night. The solo bottle I had the next night was not nearly as good, as perhaps the novelty had worn off...or the subtleness of the raisins did.

Side note: Dogfish Head Raison D'Etre may be an aphrodisiac. Be sure your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/neighbor's dog knows you're drinking these because you might end up fucking anything that moves. Trust me...strong like bull.

I bought the 6'er at BevMo, a fancypants liquor store I believe is owned by CostCo. You would think with their buying power they could do something about the price. Sadly, that wasn't the case, as I threw down $9.99 for a sixer of these suckers.

Now, it's my understanding that Dogfish Head is a small operation and that maybe raisins and beet sugar are hard to come by, but 8% alcohol content or not, it's not quite worth $10 for six. Close but no cigar, especially for a beer that when it boils down to it, is more novelty act than delicious beverage.

Taurino Cerveza

I swear I'm drinking one of these right now. Really, I do. However, I challenge you to find another review for it online or even a damn picture of the beer. You won't. Well, maybe you will. My google skills are worthless and weak.

The beer seems to be sold exclusively at Fresh and Easy Neighborhood Markets, a sort of minimalist approach to grocery shopping. Pretty sure it's a British thing. Unlike spotted dick, it ain't half bad.

Taurino Cerveza ain't half bad either. It isn't fantastic by any means but as far as Latin American beers go, I'll stack it up favorably with Corona, Tecate and Modelo.

It's smooth tasting and easy drinking like the other beers I mentioned. The big difference however is the price. $7.99 for a 12'er.

Maybe it's because it's from El Salvador or maybe it's because Fresh and Easy has tons and tons of the stuff and must sell it exclusively or maybe it's because no one knows about it, but this is pretty much a Corona, with an image of a bull slapped on it and a 25% or so discount.

If there's a Fresh and Easy in your area, seek out Taurino Cerveza. After comparing it to Corona I guarandamntee you won't pay $12 for a 12-pack of Mexican beer again.

VIVA TAURINO CERVEZA! VIVA EL SALVADOR! VIVA FRESH AND EASY!

Inexpensive Beer Report: Old Style

Ever hear of the great punk band The Queers? They're one of my favorites. On their album Don't Back Down, there's a great song called "I Only Drink Bud." In the song Joe Queer sings:

"People in Chicago
always brag about Old Style
before I drink that swill again
it's gonna be a while"

I've been humming the tune all night while putting down these cans adorned with a red and blue shield. However, it's hardly swill.

I find it to be a rather enjoyable beverage. I would definitely prefer a bottle rather than a can but something tells me this drink is best served from an aluminum container.

It's sweet at first taste and smooth on finish, with the sweetness sticking around just a bit. I'd like a bit more carbonation but with a beer of this value and it being served in good ol' Al, I can't complain too much, I knew what I was getting when I bought this beer.

If I had to compare it to another beer I've drank, it would be Bud Light. This is strange, because I'm not a fan of the beer promoted with the best radio ads ever. My dislike for Bud Light has a lot to do with the hangovers it usually causes. For whatever reason, a night of slaying Bud Lights is followed with the worst beer shits known to man.

Enough of this babbling and boring nonsense, onto the ratings:

Taste: 7/10

Again, nice and smooth, pretty balanced. No real surprises here, it's about what I expected and didn't disappoint.

I will say it isn't quite as good as the first time I had the pleasure of drinking it. That was in a hotel parking lot tailgating with friends.

Aroma: 3/10

Smells like aluminum. Which reminds me of picking up thousands of cans in college the morning after parties.

Ever smell your hand after drinking all night, and smoking an untold number of cigarettes and bong loads? It's not good. Not good at all. Cleaning up mostly empty cans of beer that have been sitting out all night only makes things worse.

The bile is starting to build just thinking about it.

Price: 5/10

$8 and change for a 12'er. And these are cans. As I said, as far as I know, Old Style isn't readily available in Phoenix. The price is proof. Fuck you, Walgreens.

Hangover: N/A

It's Thursday night and I don't plan on drinking any more than four of these suckers. If I did finish the 12-pack my guess is I'd be on the shitter half the following day, battling a raw asshole and a splitting headache.

I can see myself now, walking gingerly back to my desk, sitting down gently as my stomach continued to bubble and gurgle.

Four Peaks Kiltlifter

As you can see from the bottle, this is a Scottish style ale. I'm what one might classify as a novice when it comes to different types of brews as I'm a connoisseur of High Life and PBR. So let's see what the fine folks at Four Peaks tell us about their beer:

You have before you the combination of pure water, North American malt, fresh Kent Golding hops and clean, strong yeast. An ale, artfully crafted in Tempe, Arizona and eagerly shared by the Four Peaks Brewing Company.

Kilt Lifter is brewed in the long tradition of smooth, full bodied Scottish ales. It is marked by a warm balance of hop and malt, with the slightest hint of peat-smoked barley. A traditional touh for a fine ale whose merits are many.

Now, I don't know who Kent Golding is but he might just be the commissioner of truth in advertising because Four Peaks isn't full of shit in the least bit.

This is a moderately dark beer with a crisp finish and just a touch of hops. Nothing is overpowering about this beer except its deliciousness. I'm fortunate to have easy access to it.

I do have one slight complaint about this fine beverage. It's nothing to be ashamed of as another of my favorite beers (Bass Ale) falls in the same boat, but it's better on draft. This is not to say I won't drink from a freshly-poured frosty mug at home all day but I'm not f'ing around when I say Kilt Lifter is something special when ordered at the bar.

If you have the means, I highly recommend it. It is so choice.

taste - 9/10

Really, it's that good. Only piece of advice is to serve it nice and cold. The colder the better.

price - 5/10

It isn't unreasonable but hardly dirt cheap. I got a 6'er this evening for $7. One would think my proximity to the brewery would help price but that just isn't the case.

At the bar it's $4 a pint, which as far as bar prices go, is a fantastic deal.

hangover - 8/10

Costco has 24-packs of Kilt Lifter for dirt cheap. I've made the purchase just once, as I went what we like to call overboard. You see, I was working on my car, changing the oil and the brakes and got into a bit of a rhythm. Before I knew it, half the case was history and I was WASTED.

The next morning was an absolute nightmare. Filmy teeth, cat-piss breath, churning stomach and a head with a tack-hammer driven through it.

The 6% alcohol content did me now favors, nor did my light speed consumption. I'd recommend consuming this beer in much the same way you smoke a pork shoulder, slow and low. That last sentence doesn't really make a lot of sense.

randomness - 2/10

Damn near every supermarket has this in stock and convenience stores are starting to get in on the act as well. Not sure how far they distribute it, if it reached California, Colorado, New Mexico, and Utah, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised.

NAFTA and Foil-Wrapped Beers Don't Work

I'm hot and cold on Mexican beers. Dos Equis' amber and lager are two of my favorite beers in the world, nectar of the gods type stuff in my mind. Yet when I think of Corona, my brain starts chanting O-VER-RAT-ED.

Modelo Especial inhabits the same area as Pacifico in my Mexican beer hierarchy. Below Dos Equis, above Corona. Thoroughly drinkable, overpriced and best for special occasions.

I wish I had crazy stories from a fiesta to tell but to be honest, I purchased a 12'er of these squat bottles because my wife was making enchiladas with beans and rice and thought it would make a nice pairing.

The incredibly smooth and somewhat salty taste matched perfectly with dinner Monday night and has been nice to sample while sitting on the patio, enjoying the Phoenix spring.

What hasn't been so nice is picking the gold foil off the top of the bottle and out of my teeth once or twice. If any benefits are gained from wrapping these suckers with foil, they're canceled out with the frustration of beer-drinkers both north and south of the border trying to wet their whistle with golden refreshment in a timely manner.

My only other complaint is the price of this solid beverage. $15 for a 12-pack. I know it's an import and a thus a premium is placed on the beer but this is ridiculous.

I will never turn down a Modelo Especial if offered but I don't see myself purchasing any in the future either.

Taste - 7/10
Price - 2/10
Hangover Potential - 3/10 - Mexican brew is made to drink for days
Hangover Effects - n/a - responsible consumption was actually practiced
Randomness - 4/10 - Negro Modelo is more readily available than Especial but it's hardly difficult to track down

Stone Brewery's Levitation Ale AND Arrogant Bastard Ale

Yup, that's right, two for the price of one. First, the Levitation Ale.



I don't have super-developed taste buds and I'm not exactly a pro when it comes to describing hoppiness and all that shit. I drink beer. Quickly.

The first one I cracked wasn't at optimum temperature so I threw the other five into the freezer while I choked this fucker down. Yes, it was slightly warm but still surprisingly good. It definitely wasn't in that awful,warm Fat Tire zone where you'd rather drink coagulated elephant bile off the crack of Estelle Getty's mostly dead ass.

Once it gets past the lips, there's some pretty decent bite. Not overpowering but enough of a wakeup call to make you realize this isn't High Life. The best part of the beer is the finish, silky smooth. I cranked down the six pack in no time and enjoyed every second.

One drawback/advantage was the gnarly burps this fine liquid caused. It really "levitated" the gas in my gut.

The biggest drawback was the hangover/headache effect. I woke up at 4 in the morning with a splitting headache and what tasted like cat piss in my mouth. Levitation Ale really showed who was the boss in this sense.

Absolutely not a beer I'd consume for a day of watching football or bbq'ing. This is good stuff for having with dinner or this is going to sound strange, reading a book. It's true, it's true.

taste: 7/10
price: 4/10 - $8 for a sixer. Fuck that shit.
hangover potential: 10/10 - full disclosure, I consumed three pints of Kirin at dinner earlier in the night. The headache and burps had a distinct gargoyle musk to them, so the Levitation Ale was surely the culprit.
hangover effects 7/10 - nothing a gallon or so of water, a good shit and beatoff session can't cure, but a bit of grogginess lingered throughout the day
randomness - 3/10 - Stone Brewery beers are pretty much all over Phoenix. Not exactly hard to find. I had my first (two) Arrogant Bastards at a bachelor party about four years ago. Note to fellow alcohol consumers: DO NOT DRINK TWO ARROGANT BASTARDS IN A HALF HOUR...AND THEN RIP DOWN VODKA/RED BULLS LIKE IT'S YOUR JOB.

Nice segue...



This beer, is heavy, dark, chock full of alcohol and rather tasty. Less initial bite than the Levitation Ale but a much stronger aftertaste. Fortunately, the only way to combat the after taste is to drink more.

I bought just a single bottle of this fine effort from Stone, it was a pint and 6 ounces, I believe. Just enough to take me through the third quarter of the game between Los Suns and Los Spurs.

No less than an hour after the game, I was out cold on my wife's aunt's couch, drooling contentedly.

taste: 8/10
price: 2/10 - $3.50 for 20 ounces. This won't mess you up nearly as much as a 40 of Steel Reserve but it tastes a hell of a lot better and your head will not be in a vice hours later.
hangover potential: 10/10 - tread lightly, dear friends.
hangover effects: 0/10 - nada. I paid heed to my suggestion above.